Group Texting Casualties
by gypsysfeather
Summary: A silly one shot about Regina and Robin in a group text with Emma and Killian, talking about Henry's custody for the weekend. Meanwhile, Regina and Robin are about to welcome a new baby, Zelena's baby, into their home and into their lives, and both parents are stressed out and tired from the previous week.


**Prompt by dirtymonstaa on Tumblr**

"Henry is coming over to your house later, Regina." Emma sends out in a group text consisting of Killian, Regina, and Robin.

They've done this for a while now. The co-parenting has been working out as Henry actually enjoys going back and forth between his biological mom's house and his adoptive mom's house, spending time with each of their men has made him groom into quite the nice young man.

Today, Friday, he'll be over and he'll spend the whole weekend with Roland, Regina, and Robin. He and Roland have taken up just as brothers would, and it made both parents very happy to see each boy has a friend to play with and goof around with.

Regina texts back, "I'm at work...Robin? Can you be home?" and puts her phone down on the desk to wait for the next text.

She's sorting through piles of paperwork that had gathered up from last week, the week that Zelena's baby was born. She had taken off to prepare the baby's room at their house with Robin so that the child, Eliza, would be able to spend the whole week with them next week. The first week away from her mother.

"Umm, I guess...I was supposed to get Eliza today." She receives a text, wondering why she knew nothing about this endeavor with Eliza. The last she knew, he was supposed to pick her up on Monday from Zelena's hospital room so she could go back into the asylum.

Regina's beyond stressed. She's tired and sore from working in the baby's new room, she wasn't ready at all for the baby to join them already (she was born three weeks before her due date), and she knows that her house is a mess for Henry and Roland to be playing in. She wants to reply with _you guess?_ but refrains because she knows her beau is just as stressed as she.

"Okay. Emma? Can you please wait for us to pick him up?" She replies in the group again, crossing her fingers that'll be alright with her and Killian.

But there, she gets a text from Killian, "Love, we have dinner reservations at five." and Regina could scream into the phone – not like it would do any good...

Regina ends up taking her phone in her hands and calling Robin, ready to spew to him about how tired and not ready she is for this week. But when he answers, she feels the strain in his voice.

"Regina, what is it?" He asks after she doesn't answer his _hello_.

She shakes her head, clears her throat, "Nothing, sorry, I butt-dialed you I guess." She says, lying straight through her teeth.

She knows that he won't believe her, he hardly does when she lies and he also knows that she's stressed and tired. She told him last night in bed. That's why his next answer doesn't surprise her in the least, "You just get what you need to get done, Regina, it's not a big deal at all to pick Henry up with Eliza. I'll be a little bit late picking him up but it's not a problem. Don't worry."

"Don't worry?" She replies, leaning against the back of her office chair, "He's still my son, Robin, and I hardly have any time for him _now_ and we're bringing another baby into our home to co-parent with her mother, _my sister._ I'm not cut-out for this."

He sighs into the phone, "You are. Just keep your chin up and don't worry about it. Henry knows you're busy and he also knows that you're doing a great thing by taking this child with me. Okay? If it'll make you feel better, Henry and I can talk about it on the way home and I'll make sure he has no hard feelings."

She shakes her head and tilts it back, looking up at the ceiling mindlessly. The tiredness _really_ hitting her. "Okay." She says in agreement, mostly against her will but only because he'll keep arguing otherwise. "Talk to him only if you want to or if he wants to. Don't bring it up randomly." She says.

After working all of that out, she clears her throat and sighs, "What are you doing right now?" She asks.

"I'm cleaning the hou- well, finishing up the cleaning in the house. Just about to collapse onto the couch. Why?" He answers, and she realizes now that he's kind of breathy.

She shrugs (not sure why, he can't see her), "I was just wondering what you were up to." She says, yawns, and sighs, "I suppose I need to get going and get back to work. Don't forget Henry, please... _please._ " She begs, afraid Henry would really hate their guts if they forgot about him.

"I won't, m'lady, you have nothing to worry about. I'm very responsible, I clean up after myself, and I use the toilet."

It makes her laugh a little, and she knows that's exactly why he said it, "Okay, puppy, good boy. Now go get cleaned up and bring that baby to her _home_." She replies, still smiling and it shows through her tone that she's – once again – happy.

After their sweet goodbyes and tired _I love you's,_ she hangs up and gets back to her group text, "Robin will be picking him up at 4:45 since he can't get Eliza until 4:30 from the hospital." She sends, setting her phone down and almost immediately receiving a text.

She picks it up and looks at the preview on her home screen, furrowing her brows as she tries to depict what it is. It's from Robin and it's a picture message, so she opens it and smirks as she reads the message accompanied with a naked body shot in the mirror. "Did I mention I cleaned the house while in the nude? Quite exhilarating."

Her mind is still getting over the shock of him texting such a naughty thing, but it made her feel better when she saw it all, "Hmm, you seemed to have forgotten that part." She sends with a winky emoji behind it.

She sets her phone down again, thinking that was the end of the conversation, and gets back to the papers that's been overwhelming her. "Damn, Snow..." She hisses when she gets the white-out and puts it over the woman's mistakes. Her phone buzzes again, and now she's getting agitated. One was cute, but now she needs to work.

It was simply...him. _Him._ Not his whole body, but that wonderful tool that he uses to make her feel other-worldy and that puts her up into the stars. "Did I mention when you called me good boy, this happened?" He asks in the text, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes at his maturity. Or lack of.

She decides to fancy his imagination, biting her lip as she looks around to make sure the windows are all shut and no one can see in. She takes the top two buttons on her shirt and undoes them, pulling her black, lacy bra down and taking a picture. "Did I mention that you won't be getting any of this now that we have a newborn at home?" She sends, smirking to herself as she fixes her shirt and sets her phone back down on the desk.

She attempts at her papers again, but the constant nagging of his wonderful cock in that picture really makes her wonder if she should go back and peek again, just in case she missed something "important". Or at least that's what she's trying to tell herself as she unlocks her phone and goes back to his message, smiling as she sees how erect he is for her.

It makes her bite her lip hard, the feeling that she gets in her lower stomach. The achy burning and yearning for him, the need to relax in his arms while he shoots her into space.

Her fingers have slipped down into the hem of her pants already, and she's taking this time to unbutton them so she can scoot down lower. She takes her phone out when he replies with another full body picture, but he was smiling cheesily in this one. "Mmm, there was no say of that, that I won't be getting any just because of a newborn. We can be quiet."

She laughs a little but the burn beneath her fingers makes her rub and lose the laugh into a moan. With her free hand, She unbuttons three top buttons this time and holds the phone over her head, showing that she's half naked up top and masturbating for him. "Quiet, my ass, I can't be quiet with you."

These texts went on until he finally sent the clencher, "I need to hear your voice..." and not thirty seconds later, he's calling her.

She sets the phone down and presses it to be on speaker, knowing that no one else is in City Hall at this hour on a Friday night. "Hello there." She coos, biting her lip to keep a moan from escaping from the back of her throat. "Have you called for some excitement, young man?" She asks and rubs slowly and lazily until her hand feels too big for the spot it's in, taking her pants down and leaving them around her knees with her panties laying gently over the black material.

"Oh, but I have, young lady. See, my beautiful girlfriend is so busy and stressed out with work that she can't be here right now to satisfy either of our needs." He coos back, clearing his throat. "And I have one hand on my cock, coaxing myself to come but I somehow just...can't when she isn't speaking to me."

She smirks to herself again at this stupid little game they're playing with each other. Such adolescence and immaturity in these phone calls and texts, but she really doesn't care with the way he's making her wet from across the town. "Hmmm, well maybe I can help you." She says, sliding her hand down to make a wet and sloshy sound. "You hear that, Robin? It's all for you..."

His moan makes her shudder, dropping the phone harshly on the desk, "If only I could be there now." He says, and the strain his voice is different from when she first called him and he was stressed, breathy, and tired. Now, he sounds breathy but it's the short, adorable breaths he gets when they're making love. The breaths she's grown quite accustomed to.

"I wish you could." She says, slightly going out of their characters, but she doesn't care. She slides a finger inside of her while her thumbs makes lazy circles on her clitoris, "I'm going to scream your name, Robin..." She breathes, her eyes shutting and her head falling back.

If he could see her, he would see that she's in her most relaxed state that she's been in ever since before he had to leave for New York. He's gotten her to relax like this, and that was the night in their vault...only days before he had to leave.

"Are you?" He moans, his breaths becoming quick, now, and she knows by that that he's rubbing harder. "Say my name..." He whispers into the phone.

Her head falls over to the side as her hips start to roll in the motion with her hands, moving more hastily and growing higher and higher, "Robin..." She coos, "Oh, Robin."

And for a moment, she can imagine _him_ doing this for her instead of her having to do it herself. She can imagine his rough and calloused, but gentle hands caressing her, his fingers working her until she spills over the edge. She can imagine it, and she feels him there, almost. She believes it's him, here instead of at least three miles away from her.

She's grown quiet, and she hasn't even realized it. "Regina...Regina, lovely?" Robin asks, still calm and relaxed in his tone but his throat is tightened.

Her eyes slowly open and close, "I'm here...I'm listening to your moans..." She says softly, completing her sentence with a long moan as she starts to tighten around her own finger, clenching up low in her stomach.

"Mmmm, like this?" He answers, giving her a moan that was nothing but pure relaxation.

She nods vigorously (again, not sure why, since he can't see her) and bites her lip, "Like that..." She states, her breathing becoming faltered and heavy as she let's out and tightened moan, coming up in her chair and arching her back, "Oh Robin..." She says, "Ah...like that..."

And she can't help but clench, let go, fall over the edge...all of it. She's flying higher than a kite and it makes her feel even better when she hears the way he moans, knowing that was when he let go.

After a few seconds of heavy breaths, and otherwise silence, he speaks up and states, "I suppose I need to change the sheets now." with a bit of humor in his voice.

It makes her smile again, the relaxed and tired smile that only he can make her do. "You probably should..." She coos, "And I should probably take back what I said about getting nothing. Because who am I kidding?"

She hears his lips part in a smile and he licks his lips, "Good. You had me worried for a while." He says.

More silence for a minute or so as he's standing up and pulling some clothing on, gathering the bedsheets, "It's about 4:00...I should probably get cleaned up and get going to the hospital." He says, the sadness in his tone reappearing from last night.

When they'd talked, he told her he wanted her to come to the hospital with him to retrieve Eliza, but she said there was no way in hell she could see Zelena being motherly to this child. She was grouchy and tired, and just not having it his way.

"Okay..." She says, "I love you."

I love you has been something they've told each other (and meant to each other) ever since he's comeback from New York. They knew that there's only a short amount of time until the next disaster in their relationship, and they didn't know how many I love you's they would get before they had to be separated again for some insane reason. They always, now, make a point of saying it meaningfully.

"I love you too, Regina. I'll see you tonight. Oh, and ah, thanks for your help." He says, making a clicking noise with his mouth as a soft breath, like a laugh, comes out.

She does the same laugh and shakes her head, smiling immensely, "You're welcome. Thank _you_ for helping me relax and get off my stress train." She replies happily and quietly.

He clears his throat, "I'll see you tonight, lovely. Goodbye..."

She smiles to herself, "Goodbye." She says and hangs up, setting her phone down.

From then on, she can't concentrate on her work. It's 4:15 and all she's doing is staring at the clock, but then she feels a buzz against the desk.

She grabs her phone and somewhat hopes it's Robin again, but it's Emma in the group text. "YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING. WHAT THE HELL?! BE GLAD THAT HENRY OR MY MOM WEREN'T INCLUDED IN THIS GROUP TEXT BECAUSE THIS IS LOW!"

She gasps as she reads the all capitalized text, and then the one above it scolding her and Robin, and the one above, and the other one above, and the next one above from Killian saying that they should all get together sometime (and now Regina understands the, "You're never getting anything, Killian" text that Emma had sent below that one). There was probably twenty texts from the couple, and then she got to the ones that she and Robin had sent back and forth of themselves, the dirty texts, the hot pictures...

 _Shit._

That's all she can take. She never replies, never turns her phone off, but grabs her jacket and fixes her shirt and pants, turning her light off and gathering her things as she runs out of the doorway, driving to the hospital.

When she gets there, her mind is frazzled. _What if Zelena is breastfeeding Eliza when she walks in? Or worse...using a breast pump?!_ But her thoughts get stopped when she feels a hug, "Regina..." Robin says, smiling, "I hoped you'd change your mind." He says happily and hugs her tight.

She kisses his cheek and shows him the texts while still in the tight hug, "You may want to pay attention to the Regina you're texting, next time, so it doesn't go in a group text."

"Oh no." Is all he can say.

She nods, "Oh yes. And now Killian wants to meet up sometime. Hope you're proud." She smirks and rubs his back, pulling away.

"Oddly, yes." He replies with a bit of a laugh as he let's her go and takes her hand. "Come on, let's go see our beautiful baby."

"Ours?" She asks, "Robin, you know how hard this is for me. Don't push it, please."

He nods quietly and walks into the hospital with her, asking for Zelena's room and going up in the elevator to it. All in silence.

When they reach the hallway and near Zelena's door, Regina hears cries, but not from a baby. "Is that Zelena?" She mouths, her eyes wide and her head tilted slightly.

He shrugs a little and walks in first, giving a fake smile to her. "What's wrong?" He asks, _trying_ his best to be sympathetic, but there's not much sympathy for the woman that hurt his relationship.

She looks up and hands a few papers to Robin, "She's yours and Regina's. Just sign the papers and you're her sole parents."

Regina looks over at Robin, who was standing quite dumbfounded as he looks over the papers. "Why?" He asks, "The deal was for you to be her parent."

"Do you really think that I'm parent material?" She asks, then looks at Regina. "She is. I know she is. And now that I've seen her...the baby...she deserves her best chance."

Regina steps closer and looks at Zelena, "If this is some sick joke, there will be no mercy for-"

"It's not." She interrupts, shaking her head. "The papers are legal. Belle got them from your office when Mary-Margaret was manning your spot last week, just in case I felt a change of heart." She says.

After talking it over a little bit, Regina and Robin are sitting down at the small table in the room to sign their names on the sheets of paper to take sole custody. They're both quiet, both stunned that Zelena is doing this, but also concentrating to make sure there's no flaws in the papers that will let Zelena have her, not after getting their hopes up.

Once they sign, they hand the stack of papers to Belle who had been in the room for a few minutes.

Robin goes off to get Eliza, and Belle leaves to drop the papers off at City Hall. Regina, though, steps to her sister's bed side and looks down at her, "Why are you doing this? Really?"

She shakes her head and looks down, "For the reason I said. If you keep pushing me I'll make sure the papers are shredded and that you two won't see her again. It's hard enough as is, Regina." She says sadly, and that's when Regina really realizes that she's being genuine.

After a few minutes of talking, Robin comes back in with Eliza in his arms, the look of a proud father on his face. "Eliza Danielle is quite the little beauty." He coos, looking up at Regina with a big, happy smile.

She walks over and gently takes the baby, smiling at her and trying not to tear up like the day she got Henry. Zelena clears her throat, "Oh, and sis? Don't forget, my breast milk needs to be kept refrigerated." She smirks and takes a sip of her orange juice as the look on Regina's face contorts into one that looks like she'll be sick.


End file.
